


It's Gonna Be Alright

by ostrichriderforever



Category: Vigilante: My Hero Academia Illegals, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Actuallly proud, Aizawa Shouta & Iida Tensei & Kayama Nemuri & Yamada Hizashi Friendship, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead is Bad at Feelings, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bullying, Dead Shirakumo Oboro, Emotional Roller Coaster, Gay Parents, Happy Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, One Shot, Platonic Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Sad with a Happy Ending, Teenage Drama, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic-centric, Young Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Young Iida Tensei | Ingenium, Young Kayama Nemuri | Midnight, Young Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25557778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ostrichriderforever/pseuds/ostrichriderforever
Summary: The events that transpired effected more than just Shouta. No, everyone forgets that they were an inseparable trio. What about the other surviving member? How was Hizashi Yamada effected by the death of his best friend, Oboro Shirakumo? (Yamada-centric Vigilantes Fic)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	It's Gonna Be Alright

Read Vigilantes and we saw only one perspective of the trio: Shouta, Yamada and Oboro. So here's the other

This is what I think went down.

* * *

 _ **Words=**_ texting

 _Words=_ thoughts

 **WORDS** = Hizashi's voice quirk

* * *

Either no one noticed or no one cared, it didn't really matter cause the outcome was the same.

Hizashi sat on the stairwell between 1st floor and 2nd, slowly eating what his mom had made and smiling at the note with the corny joke of the day on it.

It was albeit small the first genuine smile he'd made the whole day despite having his pearly whites always on display. All those were fake as were most of his reactions ever since Shirakumo was killed.

Everyone saw the drastic change in Shouta: the constant training, the skating by, the way his body always seemed battered and bruised. The teachers worried, Nemuri fretted over it constantly and because of this none saw how Hizashi was being affected.

It's ironic but the loudest person in the whole school was invisible to all, despite his continuous cry for help.

It'd been a 3 weeks and yet the new status quo had been set, and that status quo was: fuck Hizashi Yamada.

He thought back to the very first day it'd begun.

* * *

Hizashi took a deep breath, still trying to gather the courage to enter U.A. despite having been doing so for the last 30 minutes.

_Come on, Shirakumo wouldn't want you to do this. He'd want him to finish and be the hero you've dreamed of being._

Hizashi could almost hear the boy shouting encouragement from behind him, like he'd decided to hop down from Heaven and see his friend off and maybe alleviate the worry he had hovering over and around him.

_Okay, let's do this! It's gonna be alright!_

He took a deep breath, said a quick prayer and hoped the "good vibes" his mom had been sending had built him the suit of armor he felt he'd need.

Hizashi tried to slip in unnoticed but his outlandish glasses, uncommon natural blond hair and tall lanky body made him stick out like a sore thumb.

That's when he learned the populus of U.A hadn't seemed to grasp the concept of whispering or being inconspicuous. No one was even trying to hide the fact they were staring at him like he was some alien species.

Although in a way he was. He was the kid who's best friend died. No, was murdered by a villain attack. Something that hasn't happened in 2 decades at UA. Currently he was one of the biggest celebrities at school...of the freakshow.

Hizashi quickly pushed his headphones back on and put on one of his many playlists built to bury the anxiety he felt quickly rising.

_Okay, of course there would be people talking about it, it just happened and everyone knows how close I was with him. They must be concerned like any good person would be._

He sped up a bit, wanting to give off the impression nothing at all was wrong yet get the hell out of there as fast as possible.

Once he'd stepped foot into 2A he was met with the exact reaction minus the talking. Which actually made it all ten times worse.

Hizashi shivered a bit as everyone moved out of his way without even having to be asked, they instinctively gave him a wide berth. Something he hadn't had happen to him in many years, back when people seemed to equate his whole being as nothing but dangerous.

When he had no grasp on his quirk and just seemed to hurt people and destroy property whenever he opened his mouth.

No, He was just imagining it, there's no way they'd do that.

Hizashi was kinda surprised no one had attempted to talk to him or ask how he might be feeling. Which he was both glad and really sad about.

But he decided to shrug it off, it was his first day back after being gone for the 4 days after the incident. Instead he couldn't help but smile as he saw Shouta. He'd missed him, since texting and actually seeing the person weren't the same thing. To anyone else they'd think the ebony haired boy was dead asleep but Hizashi knew better.

He nudged him, "Hey Sho! Feels like I haven't seen yah in ages! How's it hangin?"

"Trying to use the fact I'm asleep to avoid the constant badgering and questions on how I'm feeling and how I've been doing. "He said with his eyes still shut, faking it.

_Strange… Why has no one asked me? No, it's probably next period I'll be dealing with the "harassment" Shouta was under._

"Ha, classic Shouta, being the only one to have actually complained about people caring for him." Hizashi glanced over waiting for a follow up response before realizing that person was currently in the ground.

"But it's at least a nice gesture, no?" He got no response which actually just confirmed what he'd just said.

Class started and his teacher shot them a pitying look in Shouta's and his direction before starting the lesson. However, while everything felt normal Hizashi felt something ominous brewing.

* * *

It was the second day he'd been back that the looks changed from one of curiosity and pity and became anger and disgust.

In fact the second he stepped into class he was glared at by a majority of people. Hizashi scanned the room to see his bud Tensei looking at his phone before looking at him with shock. Shouta...he didn't even react, making him feel invisible.

_He's just tired...Hell, I'm so tired._

Hizashi quickly refocused his attention on Tensei.

_He knows what's going on, and he's gonna tell me._

Hizashi had to struggle to get through to his desk as people wouldn't move their stuff to make it easier. He almost face planted several times before reaching the class Representative.

"Yo! Tensei...you wouldn't happen to know why everyones acting so wack? Like I keep gettin mean mugged and last time I checked I did nothing wrong. Right?"

He hesitatingly says the last part as he sees Iida's eyes look away from him.

"Um...I think they read the school report done on what happened." he shakily handed over his cell,"But, know I...well, read it."

Hizashi looks at him suspiciously before looking at whatever was causing such reactions.

It was a news article on what had gone down with the villain Garvey.

_"Sad day for all of Hero society as one promising up-comer's life was cut short not five days ago. Oboro Shirakumo, age 17, a second year in UA's hero course and in the popular group, Purple Revolution, While under the mentorship of His Purple Highness, lost his life after valiantly rescuing the life of a girl elementary schooler that had been around the downtown area during the attack of Garvey. It has been confirmed the boy sacrificed his sole means of defense for her and as a result was left defenseless. The Coroner's report states he was crushed by falling debris of the building she and the other children were passing under during a sudden evacuation._

_The recently captured Garvey is linked to the student's death as well as the grave injuries Pro hero, His Purple Highness, suffered in the battle. Utilizing the powers of the Buster Union, which with his quirk Stock, allowed him to absorb, store and later weaponize, he demolished the surrounding area with no remorse. Police Reports say the building's collapse was believed to be due to vibrations weakening the support beams. All the people knew was one Pro was down, two in training seemed stuck as well as several hundred bystanders were left with little hope. It looked hopeless as Pros were M.I.A and needed to be called in, which would've allowed more destruction to the area and locals if not for a lone second year. This boy, also a member of the Purple Revolution, by the name Eraser Head did the impossible. The boy amazingly took down the villain and minimized the possible destruction typically seen to almost zero…'_

Hizashi stopped reading as he stared at the device with a ghostly complexion, his brain short circuiting as he re-read one section of the report. His eyes resembled an owl's.

"Utilizing the powers of the Buster Union, which with his quirk Stock, allowed him to absorb, store and later weaponize, he demolished the surrounding area with no remorse. Police Reports say the building's collapse was believed to be due to vibrations weakening the support beams."

_Shirakumo was crushed by the building debris._

_Garvey destroyed the building. But did he?_

_No, in a way the Buster Union played a hand._

_He used our powers._

_Used my power._

_I'm the only one that uses vibrations._

_Which were used to destroy the building._

_The building that crushed Shirakumo._

_Shirakumo was crushed by a building MY Powers destroyed._

_MY POWER_ _KILLED SHIRAKUMO._

_I KILLED SHIRAKUMO._

Hizashi's eyes looked around as he saw his classmates' reaction, some wouldn't even look at him. Some glared at him. Others showed disgust. Others showed fear.

_They think that as well, they think NO, KNOW I played into Shirakumo's death. I'm a fuckin murderer. It's my fault!?_

Hizashi doesn't remember what happened next but according to Tensei, he stood frozen with a death grip on his phone, standing so still that he'd have passed as a statue. How he didn't react to the teacher telling him to sit down nor his constant shaking. It was only after the teacher put his hand on his shoulder did Hizashi react. That reaction being passing out, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

It's because of that it was another two whole days before Hizashi returned and when he did he hadn't known he'd missed his court hearing. He didn't know the student body had decided and ruled him guilty. He didn't know anything

But he quickly learned.

* * *

Hizashi looked at the paper, he'd gotten a 105 on the latest test. Apparently he was the only one to get not only the quiz but the extra credit correct as well. He'd have been happy but after seeing the look he'd gotten from the girl handing them back, he couldn't.

Apparently he'd fucked up the curve with his score making the teacher opt to not curve grades. People quickly found out it was him because of said girl and he'd been getting glares, cheap shots, and several mean messages from his classmates all throughout class.

_It's fine...it's fine. Lunch is almost here. It's gonna be alright._

He praised the gods when the bell rang, and he almost left before realizing something. He headed back to the second row of desks, happy the girl hadn't packed and left yet.

Hokori Kyu. He swore to himself he'd finally ask her on a sorta date. He'd been crushing on her hard and she'd shown interests back. Remembering the signals she'd sent but he'd been too bashful to act upon. She, like him, had a voice quirk and a bizarre look. She had freckles which she hated but he loved and natural orange hair that reached all the way back to her thighs.

'Kori! Glad I was able to catch you! Sorry, about how hectic my schedule has been but I can restart the tutoring lessons again." Hizashi said only to get no response besides the girl seeming to freeze. She stopped packing completely, yet purposely continuing to look at the ground to avoid Hizashi's gaze.

Hizashi looked behind her to see several kids had remained behind, and were just watching like they were waiting for something.

_What the hell?_

The silence and lack of response from everyone was creeping him out so he continued, and quickly rummaged through his backpack till he found what he was looking for.

"Hey, so I read the Harry Potter book you lent me! It's crazy rad! With the way he uses magic and stuff. I was wondering if you might wanna...like during our tutoring...if you wa-n-nt we could watch...the movie" he stupidly stammered out the rest as she looked at the book, a strange expression on her face.

_Why was she still not looking at me!?_

His cheeks reddened as he heard the peanut gallery laughing at him.

"*sigh* Yamada…' she says in a way like one would when met with some huge inconvenience.

_Why's she being so formal...she always calls me Hizashi._

"I'm like...good, on tutoring and...so don't need to meet up anymore." she's looking out the window the entire time, almost acting like Hizashi was some stranger.

"Oh..well about the movie then? We could ju-st pick a day to h-h-hang." Hizashi said, still holding her copy of Sorcerer's Stone out to her. He could feel himself shaking a bit as his nerves shot through the roof basically.

"Yamada, when I said not meet up I meant...all occasions or reasons. And like...just keep the book." she tosses her bag over her shoulder before heading out however not before he hears her mumble, "Why'd I hang with let alone date a fucking murderer."

Hizashi looked back but she was gone, although her words had cut him deep. They'd been having so much fun not a week or so ago!

But Hizashi quickly shook the negative thoughts away and replaced it with the thoughts

_It's gonna be alright_

* * *

Other classes were worse i.e the more physical based ones.

He soon came to fear Battle Training due to how popular Shirakumo was (he was so lovable) he had a lot of people that felt it was their mission to make every second of that class Hell for Hizashi.

A good example being the hand to hand combat training they were doing last Wednesday. Although looking back Hizashi felt like he should've known. Three days hadn't even passed yet since the article had dropped, and the animosity was still very much alive at that point. And it's still going strong now.

So when he was paired with Kawashima Ken

He wasn't confident he'd be walking out of class unscathed.

Ken's hero name was the bull hero, Minotaur, because the dude looked like he'd walked out of Greek mythology text. Standing at 6' 1" and not even an upperclassmen yet made him terrifying. The fact he was buff as hell didn't help matters or sentiments. So, when the red eyed, black haired boy asked to be partnered with him, Hizashi was scared shitless.

Ken looked like he wanted to maul Hizashi and Hizashi suspected he would as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

His point was proven when a minute into the mock battles Ken went for a take down and yanked his arm from its socket, Hizashi barely had time to bite his lip and muffle the wail of pain that wanted to escape.

As Hizashi lay on the ground writhing in pain, Ken bent down and whispered, "Did that hurt, bastard? Be happy, unlike you, I'm not a murderer nor enjoy ruining peoples lives! Or else I'd have muzzled you like a fuck up like you should be! Especially for what you did to Oboro. You make me fuckin sick."

"Oh my gosh! Teacher I think Yamada has to go to Recovery Girl!" Ken fakily called out in concern, sounding remorseful when he felt none.

Hizashi felt himself being helped to the office, "thanks Sho- Tensei?" He was not expecting that.

"Uh...yeah, I was the only one that moved to help." Tensei realizing what he'd just insinuated quickly added," BUT um...Aizawa was practicing pretty far out, he maybe didn't hear the teacher…" he gave a pitiful smile as an attempt to reassure Hizashi but it had no effect. It only made him feel worse

Turns out Ken had completely dislocated Hizashi's arm, and if he'd pulled any harder he'd have torn muscle. Wait was maddening how the whole class blamed or sited his footwork as the cause, letting Ken off scot-free.

* * *

Later after Hizashi had got home he collapsed on his bed staring up at the ceiling, dreading the possible outcomes of the conversation he was about to have.

_**"Hey, guess who got their shoulder reset after** _

_**Bullshit hero Ken pulled it out?"** _

_**"Good"** _

_Typical. Short and straight to the point. At least that's still the same._

_**"Wanna hang after school? (-0-)"** _

_**"Can't"** _

_**"Training."** _

_**"Oh."** _

_**"When will you be free.** _ _**U know I'm flexible!"** _

_**"Don't know"** _

Hizashi stared at his phone, not getting why he wasn't being specific, he's always specific.

_Might as well rip the Band-aid off._

_**"Are you mad at me?"** _

He got no reply, the only indication Shouta had seen was it saying "read".

Hizashi let out a big sigh in defeat and lay back on his bed, telling himself the fact he didn't type " _ **yes"**_ meant it was still possible to salvage this dying friendship.

It was gonna be alright.

* * *

Hizashi didn't like lying to his mothers but he couldn't tell them what was happening as of late.

He'd now started making up "fibs" about why his clothes might be dirty, why things would go missing or destroyed and why no one visited him anymore. He didn't want them to worry like they used to in the past.

"Oh, I left that at school! Was in such a hurry!"

"Oh this, hero training was rougher than usual. I jumped when they said duck!"

"Oh me and Haru had a great time at the arcade, but he's got too much homework to have time to come over."

And several others like that. It hurt but seeing the relieved looks his moms' would have once he said the lie made his heart lighter.

_Fake it till you make it, right?_

He'd been faking it a lot lately.

_It's not gonna be alright_

* * *

I looked at the clock to see it wasn't even six a.m yet.

I'd had another nightmare, only this one was creative and decided to sneak up on me.. Really let me bask in the happiness before ripping it from me like candy from a baby.

_When will I stop having to see him die?!_

Knowing I'm screwed and the likelihood of me falling asleep were nill, I decided to get a hop on the daily routine.

Shower to get all the sweat off that I'd made during the nightmare. Then, replace sheets and pillowcases.

Next, hair then my acne routine. Then reach under my bed for my secret makeup kit.

Not that my moms would judge me, it's more hidden for me so I don't have to look at a constant reminder I'm lying to everyone.

I quickly cover the dark, dark bags under my eyes so the world doesn't see the self-destructing insomniac I really am.

And just like everyday, like clockwork, I look at my phone. Praying I'll see Shouta has responded to me. But, it's always the same, with the last message just left on read.

The last message reading: ** _"Are you mad at me?"_**

Although I already knew the answer was "Yes" because in the end it's his fault.

* * *

Which brings us back to why the ever social Hizashi Yamada is sitting alone in a stairwell, having been ostracized by the lunch room, and he couldn't bring himself to step foot on the roof. The wound was still way too fresh for him to even manage getting past the doorway without breaking down.

Hizashi instinctively moved to give half his sandwich to Shouta before realizing he and the boy no longer hung out at lunch. Or at least the black haired boy seemed to duck and avoid all attempts of hanging with him during school...and outside it.

All his messages ended up on read, if he was lucky. He no longer came to his house, instead he spent most time with Nemuri or training.

But it was okay as they'd lost a great friend and a teammate. Hizashi was okay to give the two of them a chance to heal. He didn't mind being pushed to the wayside, he was okay with it. He'd been in this position before, as a child with a dangerous uncontrollable quirk he'd spent a lot of time alone.

_Man, mom's cooking has really gotten out of control! Who puts salt in jello?!_

Hizashi took another spoonful, trying to convince himself that he was okay. That he was just peachy and it was his Mom's cooking that was making everything salty and not his tears.

_It's never gonna be alright._

* * *

"Yamada…you wanna talk about what happened?" Recovery Girl's face showed nothing but sadness and concern as she looked at the boy sitting upright, curled up on the cot to the right of her.

Having been carried in by a very worried, bloody nosed Tensei after what'd transpired in Battle Training.

Hizashi thought back an hour and a half ago, ever since the incident he'd come to despise the class.

It'd been a good month and 3 weeks and except for a few people, everyone had either got tired of being hateful assholes, wisened up, learned sympathy, or forgot about him.

The looks stopped, the vandalization of his things slowed to being rare instead of everyday. No longer was his stuff taken and hidden from him. The jeers no longer said loud enough for all to hear, nor was he worried he'd be jumped.

That didn't mean Hizashi forgot. He'd never have that privilege. Because it was his fault.

He was able to keep up the charade, everything was normal and jolly for every other class except Battle training. He just...couldn't.

He thought someone would've noticed the drastic change in him but no one did. Or they just didn't care.

He now exclusively paired with Tensei, and if he couldn't he'd stand around waiting till he was placed into a group. No longer asking.

He'd have paired with Shouta but he'd obviously yet to forgive him for his crime. In fact he'd basically excommunicated Hizashi

No longer sitting with him at lunch, talking after or before class. He'd be lucky to catch a glimpse of the elusive teen.

He no longer raised his hand, chimed in when planning strategies nor threw in his funny zingers and being the class clown he was born to be.

Hell, he was basically mute all throughout every class, only really speaking when spoken to.

But today, today it seemed God was out to punish him.

_It was after all all my fault_

They were testing out how well they were able to not only stop the villain but protect the surrounding areas. Objective for those chosen as villains: wreck shit and wreck it good. The heroes: stop em and minimize the damage as much as possible.

So there they stood in the fake City used for the entrance exam, he felt sick.

_It's gonna be alright_

Every building drove nails into his soul, heart, and mind, reminding him of his fallen friend.

He thought maybe the teacher would realize how bad of an idea it was. How fucked up the very suggestion for Hizashi to do this was. But like everyone, she ignored him and his feelings.

He was chosen to be one of the three villains.

He'd almost threw up when he was picked. He literally felt the mere ability to move ripped from him, stumbling several times as he walked to the starting point.

He'd almost cried when his two teammates elected him as the building destroyer, the two bastards sticking to the streets and cars.

He'd argued, bargained, pleaded to switch but the teacher refused to budge.

"You're the best at it though! Stop being lazy." another student playing villain exclaimed.

To say the whole thing was a disaster would be the understatement of the year.

He kept telling himself it was okay, did the exercises his therapist suggested and drank in his mother's good vibes, but it did nothing. The alarm sounded scaring the shit out of him which wasn't helping his already frazzled self. Especially, when he was already on the last straw.

Unfortunately despite everything and how much he braced for it, He went careening off the edge the second he used his quirk on the building in front of him.

His class watched from the observation deck, his teacher had apparently called out to him several times. Hizashi didn't remember if the teacher did or didn't as he lost grip of reality the second the building crumbled.

All of a sudden he wasn't in class but back to THAT day, in front of him a smiling Shirakumo. It was like someone picked him up and put him in the Downtown area. However, it was before everything had gone down. Before the rain. Before the destruction. Before all the pain.

There stood Shirakumo and he looked so happy, so full of energy. So full of LIFE.

And he watched as his buddy stood perfectly still under the crumbling building like he didn't hear or see it. He just stood there smiling that lopsided grin he'd only sport around Shouta, Nemuri and him. Waving at him and completely unaware of what was about to happen.

Hizashi ran forward thinking he'd have a chance and be able to stop it, make the nightmares and guilt plaguing him stop. Turn back the hands of time and have everything be...perfect again.

But Tensei stopped him, holding him back so he couldn't reach Shirakumo. Ultimately saving Hizashi's life because otherwise he'd have been pancaked.

However Hizashi didn't care, he was too focused on the fact he couldn't stop Oboro from dying again. He was forced to watch as a big piece of debris struck him on the head, the light in his eyes blinked out in an instant. But not before sending him an accusatory look at him. One that asked, "why" and how he could do this to a friend. How could he do it to him.

The rest is a blur of colors and sounds, all too fast and loud to understand. However, according to what he'd been told by Tensei, he'd apparently just...snapped.

He looked into his classmates' worried eyes as Tensei asked if he was okay.

_Okay? Okay? How could he be okay when his one chance was just robbed from him._

He doesn't remember decking Iida in the face and breaking his nose, repeatedly wailing on his teammate. While damning him for not saving him but for ruining his chance to save Shirakumo.

He doesn't remember leaping off him and sliding in front of the destroyed building rubble, sobbing his eyes out muttering apologizes, denying it wasn't possible for it to be happening again.

He had no recollection of clutching his hair, begging invisible paramedics to not pull out the white sheet already. That they couldn't just do nothing, to at least attempt rescuing him from the debris!

"Nononononon! I almost had him! I could've fixed this! FIXED EVERYTHING! Don't stand there! Dig! **STOP LOOKING AT ME AND DIG!"**

He can't recall butchering his fingers as he tried fruitlessly to move the heavy bits of debris. His classmates shot him very concerned looks, the teacher pushing Tensei to the side thinking she'd even stand a chance against the chaos raging through Hizashi's mind at the moment. She carefully pulled Hizashi away from the rubble and tried to get Hizashi's attention. Trying to drag him from whatever nightmare his brain was constructing.

"Let go! You call yourself a fucking hero, teach?! Dig! We could still save Shirakumo! Why am I the only fucking one trying to save him!? *sob*"

"Yamada...Shirakumo isn't...there's no one there. Let's take some deep breaths." The teacher said as she carefully pulled his hands from his hair, stopping him from ripping out any more strands.

"Deep breaths!? He's right there how can you not see him! His blood is everywhere! It's flooding out!" He slapped her hands away and pointed at the wreckage only to see something horrifying.

The blood seeped from the building wreckage and crawled towards him. It conjugated into a tentacle-like creature and it wrapped around his wrist. It then spread till it was coating his hands. Soon Shirakumo's blood coated his palms, making them resemble crimson red gloves.

_His blood is on my hands, I'm the reason my first ever best friend died. It's my fault! All my fault!_

His classmates watched with both pity and fear in their eyes as Hizashi flung his support weapon away from him and dragged his hands on his shirt and pants aggressively, trying to wipe the invisible substance off. Shaking them to and fro, like his frantic movements would fling the sentient liquid of life from him.

He began hyperventilating as he fell to the ground and drug his hands across the rough pavement. Scraping the skin off but not Shirakumo's blood. In fact, now it was currently spreading all over his body.

"IT WON'T COME OFF! FUCK IT WON'T COME OFF! **HIS BLOOD WON'T COME OFF!"**

At this point it was crawling up his arm and wrapping around his neck, strangling him and silencing his screaming.

The last thing he saw before passing out in his teacher's very concerned grasp was Shouta, and a look on his face he wasn't able to interpret.

_I'm so so sorry. It's all my fault_

* * *

Hizashi took two weeks off after that, Recovery Girl had demanded he take it off.

He almost wanted to ask for longer but knew that wasn't wise. He needed to finish school, even if every part of him wanted to curl up in a corner and just stop existing.

Everyday of his "recovery" was spent the same to the point he felt like he was experiencing a Groundhogs Day. He basically barricaded himself in his room, not wanting to see anyone. He'd foregone taking the time to even change his pjs, opting most of the time to not leave his bed.

His moms, bless their hearts, had tried everything physically, psychologically and spiritually possible to cheer him up but they were at a loss on how. How do you help your child get over their best friend dying? How do you help one who's labeled him the cause of said death

So,to say they were relieved when Nemuri and Aizawa showed up was an understatement. They loaded them up with cookies and snacks before sending them up to his room, telling them they'd get them anything they needed.

They'd have literally ran and bought a horse if it would've helped. They just wanted their happy boy back.

* * *

**Knock knock**

The two got no response so they tried the door handle, luckily it was unlocked. Neither were surprised to find Hizashi in bed,the boy having buried himself in a cocoon of blankets and pillows.

His back was to them and they can tell he'd probably only left the bed to pee. Otherwise he said screw it. The curtains shut and lights off despite it being noon. His hair looked like a tangled mess and dark bags were underneath his eyes.

Several plates and dishes were on his nightstand, and one could tell they spanned through all three meals of the day.

He stared at his computer screen with a sorta blank almost dead expression.

Nemuri crept up behind him and...Whack!

"OW!" Hizashi rubbed the back of his head, not expecting the surprise attack. "Who...oh, hey Sho and Nems!" He quickly donned a smile although this time they knew it was fake.

He looked up to see it was Aizawa and Nemuri, they both looked tired yet relieved like they'd just gotten through some huge stressful exam.

"Stop it. I don't like fakers." Aizawa bluntly said in his usually tactless way.

"Oh….um what's that in your hand?"

"Shouta and I got something together. Luckily Iida's family name really helped get it faster," Nemuri said as she looked at the folder and then placed it on Hizashi's laptop keyboard. Her eyes were sad but happy.

"What is it? I-" I look and see it's a police report. Not just anyone too, it was Garvey's. My mouth goes dry as I feel myself break out into a cold sweat.

"NOW! hear us out." I feel Nem's soft hands clutching my face, grounding me a bit as I feel like my brain is burning.

"We never stopped to realize how you felt during this and I can't tell you how sorry I am. How sorry we all are. We failed you as friends when you've never failed us."

With that, Nemuri ripped the wound that I had just barely duck taped shut. I feel tears start to form, unable to stop them.

"WRONG! I'm the worst offender in this situation! Not you, me! It...it..m-m-m-my quirk ended up killing Shirakumo! It's my fault!" I feel tears pouring down my face.

_I finally did it, I finally voiced it out loud. Finally, I admitted it._

"NO. IT. DIDN'T." Shouta said out of nowhere, he'd been so silent I'd forgotten he was even there. The absolution in Shouta's voice almost has me believing him, but he's obviously trying to spare my feelings.

"Yes. I. Did. The paper even references it to be mine! And looking back, I put more force than usual, thinking I'd show off like the fuck up they call me! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kill him! I'm sorry I ruined everyone's lives.

**Slam!**

My head whips around to see Shouta and his attempt at putting a hole through my dresser.

"Your quirk sent His Purple Majesty back first into the fucking building. Shirakumo died when he was crushed, the building collapsing because GRAVEY hit it with Sensoji's beams! But even if it was your quirk YOU DIDN'T KILL SHIRAKUMO!" Shouta slams his hands on my desk, spooking me, "it was Garvey and-"

"THEN WHY DID YOU ABANDON ME!?" I screech, unable to keep the question that's been killing me at bay anymore.

That made Shouta stop mid sentence a stunned expression taking over his face

"Y-y-you! You no longer hang out with me, eat lunch with me, walk from or to school anymore. Only team with me in battle training when Iida forces you or the teacher puts you with me! Won't text me back! So I must be at fault because why else would you abandon me!? It's because I murdered Shirakumo!"

Shouta stares at me before turning around, ditching me again.

"Shouta!" Nemuri grabs the boy's wrist before he can retreat,"Ya'll are fuckin' talking NOW!" she shoved Shouta to the bed and then walked out the door. "I'm sitting out here and you two aren't allowed out until 'THIS" gets settled."

She shuts the door, locking me and Shouta in a room together.

A tense silence filled the room.

I can't look him in the eyes, I go to say something, most likely stupid to attempt to alleviate the tension but i'm beat to the punch

"I-I was angry. Angry at myself"

"What? Angry at yourself?" I repeat absolutely sure I misheard him.

"I was angry. I saw you and how you just jumped right back in and acted like nothing was the matter. I was angry that you seemed so in control of your world and that it wasn't shattering around you like mine. And I knew it was MY fault Shirakumo died yet, everyone painted me some hero. But I'm not, a real hero would've saved everyone. So, I trained thinking if I was to improve my reaction time and never hesitate again...maybe I'd get forgiven by Oboro...by you. That you'd both forgive me for failing the first time and taking your best friend from you.. I gave everything possible into getting stronger...at the expense of you I guess. Know, I did it so you wouldn't worry about me, I forced myself to get stronger to alleviate your stress."

I stared at him before laughing for probably the first time in weeks, the type of laugh that leaves you winded. A kind of laugh that makes your stomach hurt and makes you worry you're about to vomit.

"Oh my God, Sho…" my smile died as I entered serious mode," I was drowning and have been drowning since I returned to school. In control? That's laughable. I barely sleep, still don't for long if at all. I'm getting by solely cause I stopped taking my goddamn Adderall. My laughs? Smiles? Gestures? All systematically planned out because they don't happen naturally anymore. Hell, I only kept up the goddamn persona because I didn't want to worry you or Nemuri!"

He stares at me with wide eyes, processing my words.

"So in the end we both worried each other…"

"Yeah…." I look at my bed, twiddling with a loose piece of thread.

The silence resumed, lighter than before but still bearing down on us. It felt like something was left unsaid that needed to be said.

"Wait, why did you bring this," I hold up the manilla folder.

"We thought you might need proof you weren't to blame."

"I think we both needed the proof." I manage a sad smile.

"Yeah…"

Silence takes over again, I shift awkwardly on my bed when Shouta taps me on the shoulder out of nowhere.

"hmm?"

He stares me right in the eyes and says, "It's not your fault." Before pulling my unresponsive body into a hug.

And with those four words and action, It's like a weight was wrenched off my chest. The ice cold lock that'd barred all from leaving was picked and my soul was freed from the cage of guilt and sorrow.

_Cause it's not what I needed to hear, it's from whom I need to hear those words from. God himself could've said those words and it wouldn't have mattered. I needed it to come from the one person that truly understands._

_The only one that knows how it feels to lose a third of one's being and life. What it's like to watch your dream helplessly ripped to bits and go up in flames._

_Shouta, The one person equally broken as I am._

I hug back sobbing with the occasional quirk slip, struggling to coherently say, "it's not your fault" in return as I bawl like a fucking baby.

but for the first time in forever without a doubt I knew

It's gonna be alright.

* * *

**3 week later….**

We sit on the rooftop, the sun shining and warming the ground to a perfect temperature.

"Sleeping like a wittle baby, I swear he has your eyes Tensei!" I poke Shouta in the cheek and narrowly ducked the fist to the face.

"Such a grump for all the sleep you get. And if anything he's more cat than baby." Nemuri chimed in as she pet sushi, having snuck him into school.

Nemuri laughed as she felt Shouta's quirk honed on her, giving the boy a demonic visage.

"Why do I put up with you idiots." Shouta said, taking a bite out of the other half of my sandwich.

"Because you wuv us! I remember you c-" I feel my voice disappear as Shouta directs his quirk at me before Tensei is reprimanding all of us.

_I know it'll never be the same but that doesn't mean we'll crumble._

I smile as I see Nemuri roll her eyes and say something horrible risque prompting Tensei to go red in the face, while Shouta face palms in fake exasperation, trying to hide his tiny smile.

_And it was that moment I realized_

_It was alright._

* * *

Family drama, anxiety, and covid got me fighting my depression so I put it towards an originally sad one shot but then realized I want my boi to be happy. All my bois to be happy and made this. Making me feel a bit better.

Also empty my mind so new inspiration could flow in.

Now back to the regularly scheduled programs.


End file.
